....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
