the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
