Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I won the penis lottery.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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