Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
