I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
