we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
