I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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