dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
