Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
