Tell her she can't have a vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
