i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
