Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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