I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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