I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
