Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
