he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
