i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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