Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
