I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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