please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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