I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
