I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
COCAINE IS GR8
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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