Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
