why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
