i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
