Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
