K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sarcasm needs its own font
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
