At least make sure they are 18
Why
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
