I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
