Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I intend to get homeless drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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