i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All the doctor said was why
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
