i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
