why didn't you poke me back
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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