so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
