Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
