Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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