i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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