my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
