Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
