Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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