Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
