so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
