I am in a vortex of obligation.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's the barista slut.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
