Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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