I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
