at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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