In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
