Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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