Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
