I must be too annoying 4 u.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
