I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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