did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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