You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
