i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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